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How Not To Write a New Avengers Novel

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Timeless A-Peel

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Post 10 Jun 2009, 17:20

Re: How Not To Write a New Avengers Novel

As I near the end of the little tabbed pages in my copy of House of Cards, I stumble across one of the real kickers. Talk about saving the best (or should that be worst?) for last.

"You'd make me a wonderful wife some day," Gambit tells Purdey after "in a rare maternal gesture" she fixes breakfast for the three of them. And what does Purdey do? Does she hit Gambit over the head with the frying pan? Does she check his pupils for a sign of a concussion, because clearly he's had massive brain trauma. No, she says this.

"I couldn't stand the strain. You're in a high-risk occupation." This is apparently "the long running joke which they had shared ever since they first came together." Funny. I thought someone had mixed in a couple of lines from a bad soap opera by mistake. This isn't "friendlt banter" as Peter Cave wants us to believe. This is some sort of weird alternate reality where Purdey and Gambit are clearly a) sleeping together and/or b) totally insane. Both I'd say--how else does he justify lines that make me want to throw up in my mouth a little? :yuck:

And hey, just in case Gambit hasn't called Purdey anything lately, let's throw in "Come on, girl. We're going to have to hoof it."

Girl? Hoof it? What is this, TNA at the rodeo. I tell you, it's just getting sad. Oh, and on the same page, they've spelt it "Purdy." Nice one, Mr. Editor. Reminds me of all those Tara novels where Tara's name suddenly changed to "Emma" halfway through a conversation. That wasn't disconcerting or anything.

I'm not even going to try to explain why Gambit tells Purdey "My God, you'd make a beautiful vampire." In his defense, she is in a coffin, but man, why do all these lines sound so wrong?

Oh yes, I just remembered something I haven't marked. Where's the bit where Gambit belts Purdey in the face? "Sorry," Gambit mutters, and punches her "full in the face." Okay, so Gambit has a good reason for doing this i.e., he's got good reason to think she's going to kill Steed, but really, you're telling me that that's the best Gambit could do? He's just going to clock her? Mr. "I can knock you out with a neck pinch"? This is Purdey we're talking about. Even if he thinks she's been brainwashed, I can't see him being able to just up and deck her one. It all leaves a bad taste in your mouth. Then Steed goes and calls her "old girl" again. Argh. No more of this novel, thanks.
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Philippa

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Post 10 Jun 2009, 17:28

Re: How Not To Write a New Avengers Novel

I'm on the verge of pulling my hair out of my head with frustration by now, and I haven't even read it! Seriously, what's up with these writers?
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It is a miracle I can walk at all. I bless the wonder of life and the newness of living ~ Patsy Stone
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Timeless A-Peel

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Post 10 Jun 2009, 17:35

Re: How Not To Write a New Avengers Novel

Philippa wrote:I'm on the verge of pulling my hair out of my head with frustration by now, and I haven't even read it! Seriously, what's up with these writers?


It's just this writer who seems to have totally forgotten which show he was writing for. Believe it or not, they got him back. His second attempt was much better, though.

The really sad thing is the To Catch A Rat novel is even worse. Bottom of the pile, these two.
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Mara

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Post 10 Jun 2009, 17:49

Re: How Not To Write a New Avengers Novel

Timeless A-Peel wrote:Reminds me of all those Tara novels where Tara's name suddenly changed to "Emma" halfway through a conversation/


Haha, that really is a horrible mistake. If you can't write, then don't try to make a living out of it. The examples you've just mentioned are tragic - I had a good laugh, but it's such a shame they couldn't manage to come up with something better for the show. I mean, the P/G relationship is such a good one to write for!
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Timeless A-Peel

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Post 10 Jun 2009, 18:02

Re: How Not To Write a New Avengers Novel

Maartje wrote:
Timeless A-Peel wrote:Reminds me of all those Tara novels where Tara's name suddenly changed to "Emma" halfway through a conversation/


Haha, that really is a horrible mistake. If you can't write, then don't try to make a living out of it. The examples you've just mentioned are tragic - I had a good laugh, but it's such a shame they couldn't manage to come up with something better for the show. I mean, the P/G relationship is such a good one to write for!


That happened a couple of times. I don't know if it was the writer or the printer who put it in. I like to think someone was a die-hard Emma fan and decided to sneak her name in a few times in protest. :wink:

The thing is, the majority of the TNA novels are pretty good. It's only this one and Rat that really let the side down. There are six in total--2 bad, three good, and one so wonderfully excellent you wish the guy had written episodes, too. The P/G relationship is brilliant to write for, and that guy takes it and runs with it, doing outrageous, brilliant things to make the best Avengers novel ever, of any era. A real gem.
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Mara

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Post 10 Jun 2009, 18:06

Re: How Not To Write a New Avengers Novel

Timeless A-Peel wrote:There are six in total--2 bad, three good, and one so wonderfully excellent you wish the guy had written episodes, too.


Aw, I'm glad to hear that. Since I do not own any of the books, the only impressions I get are the bits you post in this topic, and that's not very positive. :lol:

I'd love to catch a glimpse of the good stories too though - do you think you could type out a few lines to show us?
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Timeless A-Peel

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Post 10 Jun 2009, 18:27

Re: How Not To Write a New Avengers Novel

Maartje wrote:
Timeless A-Peel wrote:There are six in total--2 bad, three good, and one so wonderfully excellent you wish the guy had written episodes, too.


Aw, I'm glad to hear that. Since I do not own any of the books, the only impressions I get are the bits you post in this topic, and that's not very positive. :lol:

I'd love to catch a glimpse of the good stories too though - do you think you could type out a few lines to show us?


I was actually thinking of posting some bits from the good ones, too, so if you're interested, definitely. I just thought I'd post the bad bits because they're rather funny, particularly from this novel, which actually isn't badly written plotwise. There was just no grasp of the characters. The other one, To Catch A Rat was so disturbing and sleazy I actually quit reading it. Couldn't take it anymore. Made me fear when I watched the actual episode, which was thankfully nothing like the book. Purdey, Gambit, and Steed are hardly in it, and where they are, you wouldn't recognise them. Bad, bad, bad. But wait til I give you some Fighting Men. You'll want to run out and buy it, I promise. :grin:
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Philippa

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Post 10 Jun 2009, 18:59

Re: How Not To Write a New Avengers Novel

It would be great if you could do that. I'm so curious about Fighting Men because both you and Khell are so enthusiastic about it :grin:
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It is a miracle I can walk at all. I bless the wonder of life and the newness of living ~ Patsy Stone
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Timeless A-Peel

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Post 10 Jun 2009, 19:01

Re: How Not To Write a New Avengers Novel

Philippa wrote:It would be great if you could do that. I'm so curious about Fighting Men because both you and Khell are so enthusiastic about it :grin:


We have good reason to be--it's genius. I did pull the novel out when I was in my storage tuns looking for the Class Act Press Pack, so next time I want to do the notable lines thing, I'll delve into it. :grin:
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Khell

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Post 10 Jun 2009, 19:07

Re: How Not To Write a New Avengers Novel

Oooooh, Timeless, you gotta give them all that model-soldier-business! And Purdey's multiple breakfasts! And ... and ... that whole stuff while they're on the plane!

I agree, "Fighting Men" is goddamn brilliant! I'm sure the writer would have done very well writing original TNA-stuff, too. I really wish he had ... *sigh*
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Timeless A-Peel

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Post 10 Jun 2009, 19:13

Re: How Not To Write a New Avengers Novel

Khell wrote:Oooooh, Timeless, you gotta give them all that model-soldier-business! And Purdey's multiple breakfasts! And ... and ... that whole stuff while they're on the plane!

I agree, "Fighting Men" is goddamn brilliant! I'm sure the writer would have done very well writing original TNA-stuff, too. I really wish he had ... *sigh*


The model soldier and multiple breakfasts will be in there, definitely. And the plane stuff, of course. I love the bits on the plane, particularly when they're packed up. I wish he'd written more, too. His original TNA stuff would have been great. Most of "Fighting Men" is original , anyway. It's a genius piece of TNA writing.
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Mara

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Post 10 Jun 2009, 19:22

Re: How Not To Write a New Avengers Novel

Timeless A-Peel wrote:But wait til I give you some Fighting Men. You'll want to run out and buy it, I promise. :grin:


Oh, sounds great! Please do create a new topic by the time you got your stuff out and are ready to spoil us with a nice TNA story. :wink:
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Timeless A-Peel

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Post 10 Jun 2009, 19:37

Re: How Not To Write a New Avengers Novel

Maartje wrote:
Timeless A-Peel wrote:But wait til I give you some Fighting Men. You'll want to run out and buy it, I promise. :grin:


Oh, sounds great! Please do create a new topic by the time you got your stuff out and are ready to spoil us with a nice TNA story. :wink:


Will do! I'd already planned a sequel topic for this one. But I'll keep this one around in case I find more duffer lines. :wink:
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