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How Not To Write a New Avengers Novel

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Timeless A-Peel

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Post 11 May 2009, 18:48

How Not To Write a New Avengers Novel

While I was digging around in my storage tubs of Avengers stuff, I found my TNA paperbacks. I don't know if anyone else on here has read them. I've got the lot, and I've read them all (except the really awful To Catch A Rat, which was so gross I stopped part way through and then went hunting for the Purdey/Gambit bits, which were just as awful). Some are just wonderful, full of lines you wish they'd put in the show. Others are horribly out-of-character. The worst offender is House of Cards, which isn't bad in terms of the changes made to plot, but chock full of bad dialogue for Purdey, Gambit, and Steed. I actually read the books before seeing the show, and this one was one of my first. It's easy to see why I thought Purdey and Gambit were really dim, and wasn't too excited about seeing the show. I'm so glad I was wrong. :grin:

Anyway, last time I read House of Cards I went through and marked all the really bad dialogue, and thought I'd post a line here on occasion to see if you guys agreed. So here we go:

Gambit to Purdey: "There's only one up the spout, old girl." and "All right now, sweethear. Mrs. Milner is at home to guests." And the real kicker.

Because we all know how often Gambit calls Purdey things like "old girl" and "Sweetheart." :rolleyes:

Gambit: "You'd make me a wonderful wife some day."
Purdey: "I couldn't stand the strain. You're in a high-risk occupation."

Erm, that's not Purdey/Gambit banter. That's bad drama school emoting. :tongue:

What do you guys think?
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Philippa

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Post 11 May 2009, 18:54

Re: How Not To Write a New Avengers Novel

Oh my God, those lines are awful! Anyone who thinks Purdey and Gambit talk like that, has obviously never seen TNA! :lol:
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Mara

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Post 11 May 2009, 18:58

Re: How Not To Write a New Avengers Novel

Haha, who wrote these things?! I'm not saying that I'd do better, but at least I'm not publishing my crap, aren't I? :lol:
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Timeless A-Peel

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Post 11 May 2009, 19:08

Re: How Not To Write a New Avengers Novel

Philippa wrote:Oh my God, those lines are awful! Anyone who thinks Purdey and Gambit talk like that, has obviously never seen TNA! :lol:


I sort of doubt they ever did watch an episode. There's another one that claims Purdey has long hair and lives in a cottage. I'm so serious.

This book's the worst offender, though. I have more lines which I'll post later. Ones that make Purdey and Gambit out to have the collective IQ of a kumquat. :lol:

They got this guy back to write another novel, too. Thankfully, he improved.
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Philippa

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Post 11 May 2009, 19:13

Re: How Not To Write a New Avengers Novel

How on earth could they've employed someone like him to write these novels?
They should hire you! :grin:
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Mara

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Post 11 May 2009, 19:13

Re: How Not To Write a New Avengers Novel

Timeless A-Peel wrote:Ones that make Purdey and Gambit out to have the collective IQ of a kumquat.


:lolol:

Old girl, hm... I can imagine Purdey showing Gambit a nice demonstration of her high kicking, if ever dared to call her that.
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Timeless A-Peel

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Post 11 May 2009, 19:16

Re: How Not To Write a New Avengers Novel

Philippa wrote:How on earth could they've employed someone like him to write these novels?
They should hire you! :grin:


Dunno. Desperate, I guess. :lol:

Ha, ha, I would have loved to be hired to write TNA novels. All I need is a time machine to go back to an era in which I wasn't alive. :d

Maartje wrote:
Timeless A-Peel wrote:Ones that make Purdey and Gambit out to have the collective IQ of a kumquat.


:lolol:

Old girl, hm... I can imagine Purdey showing Gambit a nice demonstration of her high kicking, if ever dared to call her that.


Yeah, Gambit would be lying on the floor in a whimpering ball if he called her anything like that. "Who's your sweetheart now, dear?" :lolol:
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Mara

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Post 11 May 2009, 22:41

Re: How Not To Write a New Avengers Novel

Timeless A-Peel wrote:Ha, ha, I would have loved to be hired to write TNA novels.


Haha, well you would have been really good at it. You know, sometimes I can't even remember whether a fact about TNA is something that is really mentioned in the series, or something I read in one of your stories... Quite confusing! :lol:
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Timeless A-Peel

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Post 12 May 2009, 05:32

Re: How Not To Write a New Avengers Novel

Maartje wrote:
Timeless A-Peel wrote:Ha, ha, I would have loved to be hired to write TNA novels.


Haha, well you would have been really good at it. You know, sometimes I can't even remember whether a fact about TNA is something that is really mentioned in the series, or something I read in one of your stories... Quite confusing! :lol:


Ha, ha, thanks! I've got my own expansion to the canon going on, and hey, that means it fits! Yay! :great:

I try to adhere to the canon as best I can, anyway, so there's a good chance it's from the show a lot of the time. But I do a lot of expanding, too. :whistle:
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Khell

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Post 16 May 2009, 10:34

Re: How Not To Write a New Avengers Novel

Ack, I had forgotten how awful some of those are. *makes gargling noise* But I do love the different end of "Dirtier by the Dozen". They really should have filmed it. I'm probably gonna re-read that one, soon. As for the others - rest in peace ...
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Philippa

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Post 16 May 2009, 10:37

Re: How Not To Write a New Avengers Novel

Some of the novels are for sale on Ebay, and they're really quite cheap. I'm so tempted, but I must try and contain my Ebay addiction :hypnose:
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Eric

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Post 16 May 2009, 13:25

Re: How Not To Write a New Avengers Novel

Philippa wrote:Some of the novels are for sale on Ebay, and they're really quite cheap. I'm so tempted, but I must try and contain my Ebay addiction :hypnose:


Ebay an addiction ?!
Nooo ! That's the first I heard of it ! :squee:

(he says while trying to contain his own Ebay addiction)
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Philippa

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Post 16 May 2009, 13:31

Re: How Not To Write a New Avengers Novel

*signs self and Eric up for EAA*
Ebay Addicts Anonymous
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It is a miracle I can walk at all. I bless the wonder of life and the newness of living ~ Patsy Stone
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Eric

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Post 16 May 2009, 13:52

Re: How Not To Write a New Avengers Novel

Philippa wrote:*signs self and Eric up for EAA*
Ebay Addicts Anonymous


LOL :great:
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Mara

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Post 16 May 2009, 14:49

Re: How Not To Write a New Avengers Novel

Philippa wrote:*signs self and Eric up for EAA*
Ebay Addicts Anonymous


I'll join in your club too... :blush:

Which novels are for sale?
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Khell

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Post 16 May 2009, 15:08

Re: How Not To Write a New Avengers Novel

May I join the club? :happy:

Thank got I got everything, TNA-wise, I could wish for - novels, annuals, jigsaws, board game. Of course, there's tons of other stuff out there but I decided I got the most important things. :)
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Mara

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Post 16 May 2009, 15:11

Re: How Not To Write a New Avengers Novel

You've got a TNA board game?! Wow, that's amazing! Do you think you can share some stuff by scanning it? :wink: I'd really love to see your rarities...
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Khell

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Post 16 May 2009, 15:20

Re: How Not To Write a New Avengers Novel

Lemme see - I did take some photos aaaaaages ago ... *goes to Photobucket to rummage through her picture albums*

Hmmm - not there ... *goes to rummage through her picture folders on the computer* Ah, found them. Just a sec.

http://s10.photobucket.com/albums/a115/Khellian/Jigsaws/

Try this link here and password "birgitspics" - if you can't access the album, tell me and I'll put up the picture links. That's the four jigsaws. I got them in remarkably good condition for their age. One's missing 4 pieces and the other one 2 but I can live with that. My favourite motive is the one with the Cybernaut.

Edit: I could take pics of the board game next time I get to my parents' place (that's where I'm keeping the "bulky" stuff - board game and jigsaws) ...
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Mara

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Post 16 May 2009, 15:24

Re: How Not To Write a New Avengers Novel

Yes, I can enther the photo album with password, thanks - these puzzles are amazing! (do you ever break the whole lot down and play with it?) :lol:
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Khell

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Post 16 May 2009, 15:28

Re: How Not To Write a New Avengers Novel

Yes, very nice, aren't they?

I really like jigsaws. Used to be kinda addicted as a kid. That's why I got them and of course, once I had them, I just had to put them together. I've since kept them in their boxes. I'm considering semi-seriously to get the two with the missing pieces again - Steed and the Cybernaut one. If the price is right, who knows ... :brows:
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Timeless A-Peel

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Post 18 May 2009, 03:06

Re: How Not To Write a New Avengers Novel

Khell wrote:Yes, very nice, aren't they?

I really like jigsaws. Used to be kinda addicted as a kid. That's why I got them and of course, once I had them, I just had to put them together. I've since kept them in their boxes. I'm considering semi-seriously to get the two with the missing pieces again - Steed and the Cybernaut one. If the price is right, who knows ... :brows:


You know you were the reason I went and bought the jigsaws (I already had the board game, so that didn't thin out my finances, too)? Because you were having too much fun putting them together and I wanted a piece of the action. :lol: (And yes, I put mine together, too. For a few weeks the coffee table is off-limits, and you fear the vacuum). A couple of mine are missing a piece or two, too, but I'm not rabid enough to rebuy. Knowing my luck the same piece would be missing both times. :wink:

I've got the TNA shooting game as well. Works lousy, but the gun is good for striking Bondian poses in the mirror. The board game is actually kind of fun with enough people, although it's also tempting to play just with the little Steed/Gambit/Purdey cards and make up your own adventure using your own really bad imitations of Patrick, Gareth and Joanna. :lol:

Back to the original topic, Khell, I totally agree that Fighting Men is the best of the TNA novels. If you can only get one, get it. Fabulous dialogue and scenes I would have killed to see onscreen. Some of the others are good too, though--only a couple are completely hopeless.
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Khell

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Post 18 May 2009, 07:27

Re: How Not To Write a New Avengers Novel

The scene at the end alone is worth getting it. The one with Purdey stuffing her face with breakfast. And another breakfast. And another ... you get the idea. *lol*
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Philippa

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Post 18 May 2009, 10:53

Re: How Not To Write a New Avengers Novel

Khell wrote:The scene at the end alone is worth getting it. The one with Purdey stuffing her face with breakfast. And another breakfast. And another ... you get the idea. *lol*


Now THAT I would've loved to see :lol:
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Timeless A-Peel

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Post 18 May 2009, 16:57

Re: How Not To Write a New Avengers Novel

Philippa wrote:
Khell wrote:The scene at the end alone is worth getting it. The one with Purdey stuffing her face with breakfast. And another breakfast. And another ... you get the idea. *lol*


Now THAT I would've loved to see :lol:


It's so Purdey, isn't it? "But you've had three breakfasts already!" "Yes, and now I want a fourth." :lmao: Gambit just sits by happily, probably because he doesn't have to pay for it for a change. Can you imagine how much it costs to keep Purdey fed? :wink:

You can see why we wish this one had been filmed as per the novel, even though I love Dirtier by the Dozen as it is. But a fabulous two-parter? :hearteyes:
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Khell

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Post 18 May 2009, 21:34

Re: How Not To Write a New Avengers Novel

Timeless A-Peel wrote:
Philippa wrote:
Khell wrote:The scene at the end alone is worth getting it. The one with Purdey stuffing her face with breakfast. And another breakfast. And another ... you get the idea. *lol*


Now THAT I would've loved to see :lol:


It's so Purdey, isn't it? "But you've had three breakfasts already!" "Yes, and now I want a fourth." :lmao: Gambit just sits by happily, probably because he doesn't have to pay for it for a change. Can you imagine how much it costs to keep Purdey fed? :wink:

You can see why we wish this one had been filmed as per the novel, even though I love Dirtier by the Dozen as it is. But a fabulous two-parter? :hearteyes:


Yep, and even though I do think "K" does have its moments, I'd have preferred "Dirtier" to be the two-parter ... Excuse me, please. *scrambling for her copy of "Fighting Men"*
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